Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 1/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One

Humble Beginnings

“Leo,” Benita murmured, wrapping an arm around her husband’s shoulder. She looked so small and unsure, standing in the shadow of the foreboding Victorian home that he couldn’t help but smile. His little fireball needed his protection, huh?

“What’s wrong baby?” he tilted his head back to nuzzle her face.

“What are we doing here?” she pointed to the house. “This… place looks abandoned.”

“Not abandoned. Just empty and in need of some TLC,” he said, in that always positive attitude of his. Sometimes it made Benita feel worlds better that he saw things so favorably. At the moment, she grew even more concerned by that glowing tone.

“Tell me you’re not… actually thinking…. about buying it?”

“Dude this place is creepy as shit!” Diego declared a few feet from them, looking up at the dark windows and the brush grown up around the place. “Have there been murders here? Is it haunted? Oh, tell me its haunted!”

Leonardo sighed and turned his head back to his aggravating brother. “It’s not haunted,” he said, irritated that the man was making it even harder to ‘sell’ his wife on the building. “And it’s not creepy. It’s a good solid home, just needs cleaning up and some updating.”

“It does kind of look like something from the Addams Family,” Benita hovered a little behind Leonardo. He was big and strong and would make an excellent shield if some psycho came out wielding a butcher knife.

“Nonsense. Come with me, I’ll show you around. You’re going to love it, believe me.” Leonardo strode towards the entrance, his wife following behind him a little more hesitantly.

Witch Hazel Chapter one 2/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One part 2/11

“Gosh, you don’t see stonework like that anymore,” Diego admired the fine craftsmanship. “The plus side is I can tell everybody I live in a rock hard house because I’m always rock har- guys?” scratching his green hair, currently a floppy mess of a would be mohawk, he realized his brother had already ditched and gone inside.

       Benita stood in the living room looking at the stained and torn wallpaper, the horrible carpet and cramped living space. As well as she could see, anyway, since previous owners (having updated the house for electric sometime when it was first invented) saw fit only to hang one little light in the entire room. She raised a worried hand to her face, covering her mouth and trying to think of a way to gently let Leonardo down. It would be a cold, icy, pig flying, cat raining day in hell before she moved into this dusty rat trap. 

     “Leo… why this place?” she asked instead. 

     “It’s got charm. Soul. It’s a good sturdy home with a good roof, room for us and the pest- ah, Diego,” he coughed, as his brother came slamming in from the foyer and made a beeline to check out the kitchen. It seemed nothing curbed the man’s enthusiasm. “It’s a steal. The owners want rid of it as fast as possible and they’re selling it cheap. I’ll have money left over to do some renovations and we’ll make it ours.”

“DUDE!” Diego was cackling as he reappeared in the door to the living room to interrupt their negotiations. “It’s got a bloody wood stove!”

Benita sighed as she looked over at Leonardo. “Does it at least have plumbing?”

Witch Hazel chapter one part 3/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 3/11

“Go have a look around,” Leonardo nudged her reassuringly. “It’s sound, you won’t fall through the floor anywhere.” He handed her a folded up brochure. “Take this, it tells you about the house.”

“Nice to know that apparently the only requirement he has for a home is that it not fall in on itself,” muttered the woman as she walked off to poke around. She caught a few words here and there of Leonardo sternly telling his brother not to make this any more difficult than it was.  

What Leo didn’t realize, was that Diego couldn’t have if he tried. Well, unless his excited shouting scared the rats out of the walls. At that point, Leonardo would be living here by himself and Benita would be back in the Irish Travelers' caravan. 

She walked into the first floor bathroom and sighed at what she saw. There was a massively outdated sink, a rusted mirror…. horrible discolored tiles and the tub was a strange shade of musty yellow. She wondered if the ancient toilet even flushed properly. Rubbing her forehead to ward off the impending migraine, she turned to investigate the mudroom. At least that was what it was called on the floorplan she saw in the crummy little brochure that also bragged the home was a ‘vintage beauty.' 

She eyed the old tile, the unfinished walls and opened up the door that led to the garage. There was just enough room on the stoop to doff your mucky shoes. Closing the door, she turned back to the dark room which again was only inhabited by one light bulb. Raised in a traveling caravan, houses did not feel natural to her. Darkness and enclosed spaces, the oddly dulled sounds of the outdoors… she had only recently married Leonardo and she was still struggling to adjust.

Then he brought her to this place.

“How do you like it so far?” he entered the room after her, smiling like always. 

“Leo, what are you thinking?” Benita put a hand on her hip. “How much work will this place take? And it’s so dark!”

“Shh, shh,” he took her hand. “Relax, take a deep breath. I know you’re still adapting. It’s a lot to take in and its very different from the life you’re used to. You haven’t even gone upstairs yet, have you? There’s a master bedroom and bath, a sun room, a smaller bathroom, another bedroom and a very nice sized den where we could easily set up a kid’s room and nursery.” He smiled. “I’m trying to think of the future. I want us to have a home for a very long time.”

Benita sniffled. She hadn’t realized until he started talking in that soothing tone that the agitation rising up in her was actually panic. He touched her cheek and wiped away the moisture from her eyes with his thumb. “Are you sure about this?” she asked. 

“I am,” he watched her intently. “Do you need to go outside for a little it?”

“N-no,” she shook her head, ashamed of the tremble in her voice. “Let’s go see that sun room you were telling me about. That sounds promising.”

“Okay,” he slipped an arm around her and guided her close to his side. “Just wait til you see how much room there is for a big bed in the master bedroom,” he teased, hoping to cheer her up. “Plenty of room for baby making activities.”

Benita laughed a little, reaching around to smack his butt. She ended up hitting his wallet instead and his laughter at the deflected blow made her growl. Just for that, halfway up the stairs he got a pinch in his ass. She grinned triumphantly as he stumbled, then growled suggestively. 

“Come here you,” he pulled her close, tickling her. She was laughing and squirming to get away. Squirming just made him hornier and when Diego emerged from the second bedroom at the top of the stairs, he found his brother and his wife up against the stairwell wall. 

“I claim the bedroom with the crazy wallpaper!” he shouted, breaking up their steamy embrace. “No sex in the hallway, I swear to god, if I’m living with you I don’t want to see your dick Leo.”

Benita giggled and gave Leo one last kiss. “K. We’d better go see the other rooms before he claims our bedroom too.”

Leo grumbled, following her upstairs with an uncomfortable shuffle since his pants were now quite snug. “Just wait, Diego. Just you fucking wait.”

Witch Hazel Chapter one part 4/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 3/11

The sun room was lovely. The windows were beautiful and there was a small open porch in the front. Benita could tell she would feel most at home in this little space. It felt…. right.

“What do you think?” Leonardo asked as he closed the door behind him. “I could possibly enlarge it for you a little bit.”

“It’s beautiful,” Benita said quietly. “I take back what I said. This house isn’t so bad.”

“It has something for everyone,” chuckled Leo as he gathered his wife into his arms. “A sun room for you, horrible tacky colors for Diego and a nice garage for me.”

“And room for us to have a family." 

"Mmm, that too,” he kissed her.

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 5/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One part 5/11

Moving day dawned grey and chilly. The skies threatened rain as they hurried to lug in their furniture. Benita threatened violence if Diego didn’t bloody stop singing. 

“Moving day, it’s moving day, I have my own room, it’s moving day!” he chanted as he skipped up the stairs with another box of his stuff. 

Benita carried in another box and set it with the others in their bedroom, collapsing into an armchair. She knew she was going to be sore as shit the next morning. 

“You okay, love?” Leonardo asked, moving over to check on her after he’d deposited the trunk. They still had their bed to move up the stairs, as well as the dressers and end tables. Diego’s room was largely taken care of by this point in the afternoon.

“Just worn out,” she looked up from where she cradled her chin on her hand. “I didn’t think we had a whole lot until we had to start moving it all.”

“Well, we don’t have a whole lot,” he said. “But no sense in moving in nice furniture when the house is still needing renovations.” He leaned down to kiss her forehead. “You going to make it?”

“Yeah,” she looked up. “The devil is that noise?” Some kind of squeaking… banging sound. The more it went on, the more suspicious she became. Then she realized the higher noise she was hearing was Diego’s giggling. “DIEGO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?” she shouted from her chair.

Leonardo had not been expecting that outburst and took a quick step back. Having sensitive ears, having them shouted into left him a little disoriented for a moment. Ouch.

“Ahhhh! Nothing!” Diego quickly stopped jumping on the bed. “Certainly not anything bad!”

Shaking his head, Leonardo held his hand out to Benita, offering her assistance getting up. “We have more work to do and we need to get things inside before the sky opens up,” he coaxed.

“Come on guys!” Diego said excitedly from the doorway. “Come on!”

“Oh my god, why did I think this would be a good idea?” Benita mumbled to herself as she allowed Leo to tow her out of her seat. She glanced back at it longingly as she was propelled out and back downstairs to collect items with her mate and irritating brother in law.

witch hazel chapter one part 6/11

Witch Hazel Chapter one part 6/11

Benita walked into the master bedroom, her shadow not far behind. “It’s roomy,” she murmured. “Still dark though.” Only two windows in the room, facing the back of the property. Once draperies were up, she doubted much light at all would make it in. 

“I suppose it’s feasible to add in more windows,” Leonardo said. “Might be difficult to find ones that match but you never know what will turn up in junk yards.”

“That’s-ah-choo!” a sneeze caught Benita by surprise and she wiped at her face. “Excuse me. That’s not a bad idea. Are you sure you can handle this much work? I mean, you still have clan responsibilities and…”

“Shh, it’s worth it,” he said. “This place will be ours. Since the war, I’ve wanted something of my own and I think you and I can have a real shot here. And that's with my looney brother living with us.”

She had to chuckle at that. Diego was an odd one. Mental problems ran in Leonardo’s family and while their father was an overbearing control freak, Diego seemed to have gone the opposite way. The man was free as air and there was no telling him how to live. Or dress, for that matter. Benita’s eyes started to hurt after a few hours in the room with him. 

As it stood, finding their own home had been their best option. Frictions in the Colmillo family home had become too much to bear and they had all grown tired of grumpy encounters with Jericho, the family patriarch. When they had made the decision to look for a house, Leonardo had hesitantly put the idea to his young wife: bringing his trouble making brother with them. Living with Diego was a trial all of its own but she had a good heart. Benita consented, on the condition that when they started having children they’d find Diego a little place of his own. 

“BRO WE HAVE A YELLOW BATHROOM!!!” Diego bellowed through the house.

Benita sighed and rubbed her temples. “He certainly seems to like the place.”

Leonardo chuckled and guided her to the sun room. “He’s going to be disappointed when the bathroom doesn’t stay yellow.”

witch hazel chapter one part 7/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 7/11

Evening found the house mostly quiet except for the voices emanating from the TV. Diego had sprawled out on the couch for some relaxation time, listening as Benita sat down beside him and phoned for pizza delivery. She was pretty; he sneaked glances of her from the corner of his eyes. Pretty and smart and good. His brother had done well. That little prick of jealousy tickled his insides and for a moment he considered trying to put a move on her. But no. Diego might flirt jokingly to annoy his brother but he’d never try to take his woman away. Brothers were more important than that and the kindness (and patience) she’d shown him earned her more respect than that.

When she hung up, he tilted his head to grin at her. “Don’t feel like using your new-to-you wood stove?” he teased.

Grimacing, she tucked the phone into her pants pockets. Diego wondered what magic enabled her to keep anything in those pockets, since the jeans themselves seemed glued to her skin. “I’m beat. It makes more sense to order food than waste more energy trying to work in that…. kitchen.”

“I want ice cream,” Leonardo interrupted randomly and Benita glanced back to see him gazing out the window longingly as the ice cream truck rolled on by. 

“No, I just ordered food.” She turned back around to watch the telly. 

“So I was wondering, when can we start decorating?” Diego posed the question like a hopeful five year old. 

“As soon as you get a job and can afford to do so,” she patted his shoulder. “Decorating, seriously? This place is a mess and you’re worried about decor?" 

"A job, hm?” a pensive look crossed his face and he leaned forward to consider this idea. “What kind of job would I be good at…. oh, I know! Prostitution.”

“You’re not bringing johns or janes into this house.”

“…..ok, no prostitution. Although that seems like an excellent way to keep up with my exercise as well as earn money,” he grinned like the sly dog he was. 

“Keep thinking,” she said. “You’ll come up with something.”

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 8/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 8/11

The pizza guy never showed up. Benita swore vengeance as she stalked into the kitchen, two hours later to make a quick salad for them to eat. Leonardo called to complain but got a man who barely spoke a word he understood and that only made her angrier. 

Diego on the other hand remained as damn cheerful as ever. He hummed as he took a plate of the salad and there was a little sway to his walk (dare she call it swagger?) as he took it to the table.

“Thank the heavens for you, Benita,” he beamed. “Without you, we’d surely starve to death.”

“Mmhm,” Leo chimed in, mouth full. Benita grimaced and covered her eyes with her hand as her husband opened his mouth to talk before swallowing. “You make an excellent salad, thank you.” Little bits of lettuce fell from his mouth. 

“Please, just eat,” she groaned. “Don’t speak with your mouth full, none of us want to see it.”

“Oh, bro, you didn’t chew that piece!” DIego pointed to something in his brother’s mouth. “Ow!” he laughed and dodged another hit. 

They ate and Leo helped her with the dishes. Diego helped by ripping a huge belch and declaring himself stuffed. “I think I’m ready to pass out. This has been a blast but my ass is beat.”

“I think it is about time to call it a night,” Benita said “I’m going to head to bed.”

“I’m right behind you,” Leonardo grinned. 

Of course, despite his naughty, innuendo laden grin, his poor wife was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. Crawling into bed beside her, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Good night, beautiful. I don’t know how I got so lucky.” She murmured something in her sleep and he smiled, snuggling close to her.

In the room across the hall, Diego crawled into his bed. “G'night Goopy,” he told his Lava lamp. “Goodnight Pony." 

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 10/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 10/11

“Yaaassss I want a bunnypop!” Diego told the ice cream man excitedly. 

“What color?”

“Aaahhh… pink!” He decided, handing the man four dollars in exchange for his popsicle, bouncing excitedly. 

He glanced over his shoulder too where his brother was grilling and saw Benita coming out the front door. Oh no.

Not about to risk forfeiting his treat to appetite gestapos, he turned and ran to the nearby park where he could enjoy his popsicle in peace. There he sank onto a park bench to sink into strawberry flavored heaven. “Mmmm!” His whole body was vibrating as the sugar rush began. 

Leonardo looked around for his brother and groaned. “Why do I get the feeling he’s doing exactly what I told him not to,” he muttered disparagingly. He turned, looking around for Diego, wondering where he could have gone to. He checked the back yard, the porch, asked Benita if he’d gone inside… where had the rascal gotten to?

“Leo! I don’t think hot dogs are supposed to smoke!” Benita called from the porch, pointing to his grill.

“Shit shit shitty shitty shit!” Leo bounded back, fanning away smoke and coughing. “Fuck-” he looked up from pulling the charred dogs off the grill to see none other than Diego round the corner, grinning and bouncing, with pink around his mouth from his popsicle.

“Oh I think you ruined those,” Diego turned to leave. “Guess breakfast is cancelled.”

“Oh no,” Leo shoved a couple of them at Diego. “You’re going to eat them either way. What are you, five?”

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 9/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 9/11

“Who is going to the grocery store?” Benita asked in an It’s-not-going-to-be-me-so-don’t-even-go-there tone.

“Uh,” Leonardo looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Why do we need to go to the store?”

Fixing him with a grouchy scowl, Benita opened the cabinets and refrigerator, letting the doors hang open for a minute to demonstrate the dusty, empty condition they were in. “That would be why.”

“What do we need to get?” Diego piped up, straightening his blazer. Benita wished he would have been considerate enough to find a different outfit. 

“Things that do not require the stove,” she indicated to the outdated appliance. “Leo, you’re going to be manning the grill until you get me something better than this.”

“You’ve cooked on campfires, why is the woodstove so bad?” Leo didn’t like criticizing her but at the idea of becoming head chef he was suddenly like a cornered animal. No one was safe.

Her eyes narrowed. “I didn’t agree to move into a house so I could go camping in a dark structure with a roof and no mobility.”

Leo’s eyes widened. “Ok! Point taken. We’ll get you a stove.”

“Make me a list,” Diego told Benita, taking off one hot pink high top to smash a cockroach as it ran by. “I’ll go. I can’t wait to check out the neighborhood.”

Benita took out a little pad of paper and made a list of what could be cooked on the grill and handed it to him. “No impulse shopping, we don’t need a ton of junk food,” she reminded him. 

“Yeah, behave for once, please.” Leo handed his brother his bank card and watched with no small degree of worry as the brightly plumed man skipped like a five year old girl from their house. “We’re going to get either a bunch of junk food or a lot of porn mags.”

The grocery store turned out to be a tiny corner market. Diego had no idea this town was so small when he had agreed to this task and had found poking around the village to be a disappointment. No strip clubs. No bars. No porn shop. Hell, he didn’t even see a liquor store. He eyed the church on one side of town with no small amount of disdain before circling back to the market. 

“Steaks,” he mumbled to himself as he tossed them in his cart. “Weiners. Sausage.” He eyed the list. “Chicken? Meh, I guess.” That was tossed in too. He wandered around, gathering other necessities. Cleaning supplies especially. Pest spray. He wondered if he was going to need a cross bow for the rats. 

Diego collected stares as he shopped. The small town had a modest population of 10,000 and the insular people there were plain and unassuming. A lot of farmers, a lot of practical and old minded types. Like a peacock in a coop full of chickens, there was Diego like a damn strobe light and every single person in the store regarded him with wide eyed dismay.

It probably didn’t help that he walked like he was auditioning for the next top model. A little sway, a little pop and a whole lot of ‘fuck me’ attitude. Diego was an equal opportunity man. Any attention was good attention, something else that Benita attributed to his horrible father. When he winked at the oggling butcher, the man seemed torn between sexual attraction and deep disgust. Diego was willing to bet he could convince him to swing the other way; obviously a butcher was a man who loved some sausage.

He flirted with the cashier. The poor lady was gray at at the temples and had a ring on her hand. He saw the interest in her eyes and the way her gaze flitted down to his crotch. She had obviously been married (and bored of it) for quite some time. She enjoyed his attention, blushing and cracking a smile as she handed him his receipt. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“I’d enjoy it more if I got your number,” he leaned forward with a grin. 

“Oh- I, I don’t know what for,” she blushed more and fidgeted. She wanted to give it to him but the customer behind Diego had an increasingly annoyed look on his face and clearly knew the woman. 

“You know what for,” he winked. “It’s ok. I’ll see you around, I’m sure. I just moved into town.” Waving and hearing her heart do a little pitty pat, he grinned wolfishly and turned to leave. 

Returning home, Diego carried in the groceries, humming a little tune. “I should open a business in this town,” he announced as he set the bags on the counter. “It needs some variety.”

“….I’m afraid to ask,” muttered Leo as he took the hot dogs to go make breakfast. 

“I’m thinking porn shop,” Diego followed his brother back out the door, charcoal in arm. “The villagers are sex deprived. They probably don’t even realize the potential for enjoyment in the act.”

“Sweet mother of Mary.” Leonardo pointed the lighter at his brother threateningly. “You are not going to get us chased out of town with pitchforks and torches, understand? Humans don’t understand our kind. Keep a low profile. Don’t fuck everyone you meet. Don’t grope everyone you meet. As a matter of fact, keep your arms and legs tucked in at all times, understand?”

“Aw,” Diego drooped a little bit. “You don’t like my idea.”

“Why can’t you…. open a flower shop instead?” he asked. “Or a shooting range or any god damn thing besides something sex related?”

Diego watched his brother light the charcoal. “Sex is what I’m good at,” he said, confused by the whole argument. “Guidance counselors always tell you to pursue what you’re good at.”

“Guidance counselors? You were born hundreds of years before that was even a thing. Look,” Leo turned to his brother, closing the grill to let the charcoal burn some. “You’re good at lots of things. We’ll find something constructive to keep you busy.”

Diego tilted his head. “Oh, an ice cream truck!” he said as he heard the distinctive tinkling chime in the distance. “Can I get ice cream?”

“No. You’ll spoil your appetite.” Leo turned back to his grill and didn’t notice that Diego had already turned to chase down the truck. He hadn’t given back the change from grocery shopping yet. He could still get himself a nice cold treat!

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 11/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 11/11

“Well Pony, I’ve been instructed to change clothes,” Diego sighed as he walked back into his room, tummy too full from hot dogs and bunny pops. “I guess Benita is right and I shouldn’t wear my good clothes around this dirty house.” He opened his dresser and eyed the big painting on his wall.

“I was I was that dog right now,” he addressed the inanimate objects in his room. “I’d drop that purse and hump her like crazy.” He put away his blazer and button down, changing into a tunic and some old jeans. Since he didn’t like his pink converse with this outfit, he pulled out a new pair. “Hmm, sexy.” He checked himself out in the mirror, putting his finger on his butt with a sizzling sound effect.

Pony approved. So did Gloopy. Diego strutted out to help around the house with extra confidence because of their silent adoration.