Witch Hazel Chapter 4 part 4

Witch Hazel

 Chapter 4 part 4

“Ruff ruff!” 

“Mrow, hsscchhh!!!”

Translation: 

Bear: Play tag with me!

Mr. Cat: Move aside, foul beast or I shall make you regret your life!

Diego is throwing a party tonight so obviously this calls for a soak in the tub so he feels his absolute least unstable and relatively unlikely to start talking gibberish to unsuspecting guests.

Ah, the guests have begun to arrive. So far it’s a sausage fest, but Diego puts on a brave face and hopes more women will show up. Oh who are we kidding, Diego is ready and willing to take any person to bed with him.

“Yo Lipton, how’s it hanging!”

“Long and hard, my friend.”

“Oh I like the sound of that.”

I-I’m not sure if that’s annoyance or jealousy on Rogelio’s face D: 

“We’ve got tunes, we’ve got food, I’ve called some babes to join us tonight,” Diego goes on to tell his friend, almost oblivious to the blatant innuendo.

Nico, stop clawing the table.

Diego called Nico outside, still oblivious to the table destruction inside, and pounced on him in a playful fight that Nico had no idea was playful.

“AGGHhh take that you fiend!”

“Flibberty gibbets!”

“Oh my ass hurts!” Nico groaned as he got up. 

“Hahaha yeah that’s right, I fucked you!” Diego gloated.

Nico glanced back and rolled his eyes. “I think you meant fucked you up.”

“Ehhh, right.”

“It’s very rude to beat your guests up at the party you invited them to.”

“Harrumph. Butt smelling party pooper.”

Nico worked up an appetite to go along with his sore butt so he went into the kitchen to get dinner. 

Roggy is trying to chat up the only woman to come to the party. “So how do you know Diego?”

“Through my husba- oh my god,” she catches sight of how Nico is eating. “Is he alright?”

“Well, for the most part,” Roggy said.

Colin plays with Bear, who happily accept the challenge of tug of war. Colin is impressed by how friendly the big dog is.

Nico is trying to get more girls to come to the party. “Come on, I’ll buy you drinks!”

Dementia is trying to eat her dinner of (gag) plasma cobbler before she goes to work. 

Bear would like to share some.

“Bye guys!” called Dementia as she went off out the door to work. “Bye Bear,” she gave him an ear scratch on her way past.

“Do you like mah teef?”

Rogelio chuckled. “Not bad.”

“Your breath smells like a rotted egg. You’re sure to get a mate like that. Good job.”

Diego isn’t sure if this is sarcasm or not. Do rotted egg breaths attract ladies?

Nico is walking around like he’s got to take a huge crap. Please do it in the toilet like a civilized person. Diego is all out of doggy poo bags.

Colin is putting the moves on Annis. And his accent.

“You ah veh’y beauteeful,” he smiled.

“Oh,” she blushed. “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

But then he stepped on her feet and the mood was lost

“Whooo guys let’s dance!” Diego said. A pause. “Where’d Annis go?”

“Ee stepped on ‘er toe,” Colin replied. “She yelled zat ee am ah ‘orreble dancer and ran off.”

“Shit man,” Nico said. “Now it’s a real sausage fest. I should just leave.”

“Dance off!” Diego shouted before he could try to escape.

“Oh no, you’re going down,” Nico declared, all plans of calling it a night now abandoned.

Diego mean mugged Colin. “Is that really the best you can do?!”

“C’mon man zere ees no need to be an ass about eet.”

“There is. You ran Annis off with your terrible dancing. Show us what you can do.”

“Like zees?”

“Alright, now we’re talking!”

“Christ,” muttered Nico. “I feel like I’m in a bad girl band.”

“Ruff ruff?”

“Yeah Bear, that’s some of the worst dancing I’ve seen in a long time,” Lipton agreed.

“Hi boys! Did you miss me?” Dementia called as she came home to find the party still pumping.

The guys turned in excitement as Dementia came home from work and joined them on the dance floor. “Hello hottie,” Diego said, pulling her over to him.

“Nobody told me zere would be a test at zees pahty!” Colin groaned.

Lipton, having been ignored most the night, tries his wiles on Dementia.

“EEUUUGH not this again!”

“You’re very beautiful and you’d look even better naked and under me.”

“Fuck off, creep!”

“I don’t know what else I expected.”

To get away from Lipton, Dementia went back to Diego. “Hi hot stuff,” she said. 

Having seen this coming, the rest of the men say hasty goodbyes and clear out. “Who wants to get drunk and have hate sex on his front steps?” Lipton asked out loud, but Nico is hurrying away as quickly as he can.

Diego takes his chance and goes from 0 to 90 in 2 seconds. 

“We should go steady,” Dementia said.

“I thought you could barely stand me,” Diego is understandably confused by the mixed signals.

“I like you,” she patted his arm. “And I think you might be useful to me.”

She kissed him again. “Yes?”

“Shit, yeah, anything,” he said with a dopey grin, clearly having missed or already forgotten the ‘useful to me’ part of it.

Party’s over, everybody’s exhausted.

Look at that content face.