Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 9/11

Witch Hazel Chapter One Part 9/11

“Who is going to the grocery store?” Benita asked in an It’s-not-going-to-be-me-so-don’t-even-go-there tone.

“Uh,” Leonardo looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Why do we need to go to the store?”

Fixing him with a grouchy scowl, Benita opened the cabinets and refrigerator, letting the doors hang open for a minute to demonstrate the dusty, empty condition they were in. “That would be why.”

“What do we need to get?” Diego piped up, straightening his blazer. Benita wished he would have been considerate enough to find a different outfit. 

“Things that do not require the stove,” she indicated to the outdated appliance. “Leo, you’re going to be manning the grill until you get me something better than this.”

“You’ve cooked on campfires, why is the woodstove so bad?” Leo didn’t like criticizing her but at the idea of becoming head chef he was suddenly like a cornered animal. No one was safe.

Her eyes narrowed. “I didn’t agree to move into a house so I could go camping in a dark structure with a roof and no mobility.”

Leo’s eyes widened. “Ok! Point taken. We’ll get you a stove.”

“Make me a list,” Diego told Benita, taking off one hot pink high top to smash a cockroach as it ran by. “I’ll go. I can’t wait to check out the neighborhood.”

Benita took out a little pad of paper and made a list of what could be cooked on the grill and handed it to him. “No impulse shopping, we don’t need a ton of junk food,” she reminded him. 

“Yeah, behave for once, please.” Leo handed his brother his bank card and watched with no small degree of worry as the brightly plumed man skipped like a five year old girl from their house. “We’re going to get either a bunch of junk food or a lot of porn mags.”

The grocery store turned out to be a tiny corner market. Diego had no idea this town was so small when he had agreed to this task and had found poking around the village to be a disappointment. No strip clubs. No bars. No porn shop. Hell, he didn’t even see a liquor store. He eyed the church on one side of town with no small amount of disdain before circling back to the market. 

“Steaks,” he mumbled to himself as he tossed them in his cart. “Weiners. Sausage.” He eyed the list. “Chicken? Meh, I guess.” That was tossed in too. He wandered around, gathering other necessities. Cleaning supplies especially. Pest spray. He wondered if he was going to need a cross bow for the rats. 

Diego collected stares as he shopped. The small town had a modest population of 10,000 and the insular people there were plain and unassuming. A lot of farmers, a lot of practical and old minded types. Like a peacock in a coop full of chickens, there was Diego like a damn strobe light and every single person in the store regarded him with wide eyed dismay.

It probably didn’t help that he walked like he was auditioning for the next top model. A little sway, a little pop and a whole lot of ‘fuck me’ attitude. Diego was an equal opportunity man. Any attention was good attention, something else that Benita attributed to his horrible father. When he winked at the oggling butcher, the man seemed torn between sexual attraction and deep disgust. Diego was willing to bet he could convince him to swing the other way; obviously a butcher was a man who loved some sausage.

He flirted with the cashier. The poor lady was gray at at the temples and had a ring on her hand. He saw the interest in her eyes and the way her gaze flitted down to his crotch. She had obviously been married (and bored of it) for quite some time. She enjoyed his attention, blushing and cracking a smile as she handed him his receipt. “Enjoy the rest of your day.”

“I’d enjoy it more if I got your number,” he leaned forward with a grin. 

“Oh- I, I don’t know what for,” she blushed more and fidgeted. She wanted to give it to him but the customer behind Diego had an increasingly annoyed look on his face and clearly knew the woman. 

“You know what for,” he winked. “It’s ok. I’ll see you around, I’m sure. I just moved into town.” Waving and hearing her heart do a little pitty pat, he grinned wolfishly and turned to leave. 

Returning home, Diego carried in the groceries, humming a little tune. “I should open a business in this town,” he announced as he set the bags on the counter. “It needs some variety.”

“….I’m afraid to ask,” muttered Leo as he took the hot dogs to go make breakfast. 

“I’m thinking porn shop,” Diego followed his brother back out the door, charcoal in arm. “The villagers are sex deprived. They probably don’t even realize the potential for enjoyment in the act.”

“Sweet mother of Mary.” Leonardo pointed the lighter at his brother threateningly. “You are not going to get us chased out of town with pitchforks and torches, understand? Humans don’t understand our kind. Keep a low profile. Don’t fuck everyone you meet. Don’t grope everyone you meet. As a matter of fact, keep your arms and legs tucked in at all times, understand?”

“Aw,” Diego drooped a little bit. “You don’t like my idea.”

“Why can’t you…. open a flower shop instead?” he asked. “Or a shooting range or any god damn thing besides something sex related?”

Diego watched his brother light the charcoal. “Sex is what I’m good at,” he said, confused by the whole argument. “Guidance counselors always tell you to pursue what you’re good at.”

“Guidance counselors? You were born hundreds of years before that was even a thing. Look,” Leo turned to his brother, closing the grill to let the charcoal burn some. “You’re good at lots of things. We’ll find something constructive to keep you busy.”

Diego tilted his head. “Oh, an ice cream truck!” he said as he heard the distinctive tinkling chime in the distance. “Can I get ice cream?”

“No. You’ll spoil your appetite.” Leo turned back to his grill and didn’t notice that Diego had already turned to chase down the truck. He hadn’t given back the change from grocery shopping yet. He could still get himself a nice cold treat!