Witch Hazel
Chapter 4 part 5
“Uh, Diego, where are your clothes?”
Diego finished his full fledged horse impersonation before he answers. “I showered. Didn’t feel like dressing.”
“Diego sit and eat like you’re supposed to.”
“Hah you sound like my mom,” he garbled through a mouth full of food and a face full of food because he didn’t even lift his head to respond.
Dementia sat down. “If you don’t sit down it’ll be a year before you get any of this pussy.”
That was more effective than a rolled up newspaper. “That’s a mean thing to threaten,” Diego whined.
“Next you’ll be telling me I can’t pee outside or that I can’t sniff stranger’s butts.”
“I don’t care if you pee outside but no sniffing stranger’s butts,” Dementia said. “I mean to pound some manners into you, somehow or another. Oh and another thing. We’re going shopping. This dump needs a lot of help.”
“What?” Diego cried. “We have to decorate now too?!”
After he had a chance to cool off and rationalize that he had a rich girlfriend and he’d probably get some nifty stuff out of this, he went and found her to agree to her plan and promise not to sniff butts. On the condition that he could sniff hers all he liked. She seemed ok with it.
“That ice cream truck is following us.”
“No it isn’t, Diego.”
“Is.”
“Is not.”
“Is!”
“Isn’t.”
“Isn’t.”
“Is. Agh, you tricked me!”
“Ahahahahaha!”
While out, Dementia ran into her son. “Hello Orion,” she greeted a little coolly. “You and your wife happy you have the house to yourself now?”
“Hi mom,” he replied. “How are things? You left the house in a huff. Do you have a place of your own?”
“I’m living with my boyfriend,” she said. “Diego is cute and means well but his house is a dump so I came out today with the intent of fixing that.”
“Do feel free to call me when your horrid wife shows her true colors and proves me right,” she smiled.
“See you mom,” Orion rolled his eyes at her and walked away.
Diego’s new and improved study.
He got a cat clock and a gene study station. He wanted the cat clock more, but Dementia only agreed to it if he’d study some more and be less of a lay about.
He was pretty excited about the Skeleton though. His name is Fred.
The foyer and kitchen got a little gussy up too. Diego is more excited about the food supplies than anything else.
Pay no attention to the hovering mustard.
“Ruff ruff!”
“I know, she bought a lot of stuff and I had to carry it all in.”
‘Ruff!”
“It was very hard work.”
“Science, science,” he hummed. “Hmm what rhymes with science?”
“Eeeny meeny miny moe, oh we’ll say forty two.”
The man who never paid any attention in school is now handling delicate equipment with the mindset of “mash buttons until something interesting happens.”
A late dinner by himself. Dementia is at work.
Bear has made himself at home in Diego’s bed.
Diego wouldn’t dream of disturbing his pet, so he takes the unoccupied side of the bed.
Dementia set herself on fire while trying to do some upgrades to the fireplace.
I don’t know what’s scarier, being on fire or having to rely on Diego to put you out.
He looks so dead inside. He’s been to this house about six times in the last week.
“AAAGGHHHH STOP SETTING YOUR SHIT ON FIRE YOU FUCKING IDIOT!”
“Oh, you spit on me a little.”
“Oh, it’s going to take forever to get my skin back to its flawless condition.”
Carlotta has chicks!
This development inspired a new song. We’ll spare you. There’s a reason he’s an acrobat and not a singer.
“I’ve got a girlfriend now, Carlotta!”
“Have you told her about us? You should.”
“Aw but it’ll make her jealous. You’re such a beautiful bird.”
Carlotta clucked approvingly.
“Mmm all this science is giving me an interesting hypothesis to test…”
“Yes… it’s risky but I think it’ll prove something very important…”
“That I’d be way happier on vacation. One ticket to Champs les Sims, please!”
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